May 2, 2012 - May 2nd Is Special

Today, May 2, 2012, is the ninth death anniversary of my husband, Rey. Thoughts of our more than four decades of marital union especially of the happy memories kept me from having my much-needed sleep. I decided to sit before my laptop and the result is the ff:

Dear  Papa,

Today is the ninth anniversary of your passing the pearly gates of heaven into God's welcome embrace. While a part of me rejoiced over your well-deserved rest to enjoy the glory of God, a greater portion of me languished over the grief and emptiness you left in my heart. The void has been irreplaceable and beyond cosmic repair through all these years! As a Christian, I have tried so many times to completely surrender, arms down, to the will of God in whatever comes my way. However, I have failed miserably, time after time, to do just that in regard to your passing- a loss which has remained woven into the fabric of my being. I must admit that for so long I have worn a mask of serene acceptance and total surrender before our family and relations alike. Only in times of my "alone-ness" have I shed off the mask of extreme grief and longing nestled in the innermost recesses of my heart. After a while, moved by the futility of it all and the culpable sin of not fully trusting God, I would resolve to be a better Christan in this particular aspect of my life. Through the passing years, this interplay of conflicting emotions and high resolve plagued me in almost sequential pattern. In every instance of its occurrence, I sought God's help only to be trapped within the tentacles of misery.

Then last Good Friday, in God's mysterious way and in His own time, I felt the "peace beyond human understanding" envelop me as I "let go" of this dimension of my life- your demise. I let go of the hurt and the sadness that had lain moored in my heart for years! I was endowed with a peace only the Holy Spirit can give! How true are the words of Blessed John Paul II when he said, "The Holy Spirit inspires, purifies and strengthens those noble longings by which we strive to make earthly life more human."

Papa, you have been a loving and sincere husband, a solicitous father and grandfather, a responsible  provider, a singer entertainer, a "jack-of-all trades," a man with a green thumb and most of all, a family chef, all rolled in one. What remarkable qualities few men can equal! In fact, the comments of relatives and close friends who have witnessed your versatile accomplishments attest to their admiration which sometimes had a tinge of envy. I know that I had many times expressed my appreciation and thanks to you but I feel that I had not adequately said nor done enough to drive home this fact more deeply. Therefore, here and now, I say, "Thank you so much for being the husband you had been to me and please forgive me for being less of the wife you would have wanted me to be." 

Today, I dedicate these lines to you:
                  
                  To  My  Husband

I celebrated the Liturgy today
In your honor to God I prayed,
"Thank you, Lord, for the wonderful life you 
           have given me
Largely due to my husband you sent from Thee.

To me, you personified the "man of all seasons"
Truly because of a multitude of reasons
First and foremost was your love so sincere and true
Which remained untarnished in all the years
           we had been through.

Like an invincible steel tower you stood upright
Against the gushing wind of temptation,
           beckoning sights
Empowered by a faith which you had held strong
Since your childhood as an orphan struggling along.

"Common traits and interests is good," said a sage,
"to achieve compatibility in marriage."
But God's sense of humor undefined such notion
He gave me a man of few words but one of action.

In your quiet, inimitable way
You put to naught and held at bay
Popular belief that a man of all trades
Could not be a "master" of any chosen shade.

But you proved to all beyond a shadow of doubt
You excelled in carpentry, gardening, electrical route
Car repair, in fact a handyman through and through
But above all these, an excellent cook, too!

A "Thank you, Lord," will always be on my lips
"For my husband, one of your magnanimous gifts."
Our marriage lasted for forty-seven years
Gold-encrusted despite occasional tears.

I know in your eternal home in heaven
You regale the Lord with your songs
          sometimes shaken
With a plea that God guide, protect and lead
          all of us
To you when "The End" comes to our earthly task.


I  LOVE  YOU !!!

Darling    (to you)